So we’ve (almost) made it through January. How are you feeling?? For me, this month felt long. The monotony of everyday responsibilities has started to creep in and erode that burst of new year energy. So what do I do when I start feeling depleted and stagnant?
Well, first I look back and remind myself about how I want to feel this year and identify one small step I can take right now to get there. Another tactic I use when I’m feeling parlyazed with how to move forward or what steps to take (whether it's a major life decision like ending a relationship or something smaller like writing an email I’ve been avoiding) is to call on my Highest Self Hero.
For the longest time, I was always confused by the concept of your Highest Self (a.k.a. Sage, Leader Within, Whole Self, Authentic Self ), often described as our inner voice or authority that is separate from our ego, the part of us that can guide us to live as the most authentic version of ourselves.
The concept was introduced to me through coaching courses, self-help books, podcasts, and even exercise classes. I was always being asked to tap into my Highest self for guidance or to find clarity. I was promised that my Highest Self would help me access the paths to live in alignment with my purpose. It was hard for me to wrap my head around. I would sit quietly and draw a blank. I’d get frustrated and think “where is this part of me? “Don't I always try my best to act in alignment with what’s best for me?…so what is this separate highest self anyways?” At the time it all just sounded like bullshit.
But as I kept building my practice of looking inward, I soon realized that I don't always act in my best interest; in fact, more often than not, I act against it.
The more I began to reflect on my actions and desires, the more I became aware of my patterns to self-sabotage, procrastinate, and over-rationalize. These habits kept me in a state of avoidance instead of action. I wasn't consciously trying to let them dictate my life, so why did they keep resurfacing and getting in my way?
Well, our brains have tons of ways to help keep us safe. The brain magnifies risk, also known as the spotlight effect, so whenever we view something with hesitation (even if we are hesitating about something exciting like going to a new country) it sends a signal to the brain that it's a threat. The brain has learned tactics from our childhood that have been hardwired in, such as people-pleasing to avoid conflict and that learned belief might make you more willing to put someone else’s best interest before your own. In other words, there’s a lot going on in our head, so it's not surprising that sometimes it's hard to hear our own true inner voice or our highest self- the part of ourselves that isn't run by fear or trying to protect us but instead, leads us to move forward to align us with personal satisfaction and peace of mind.
I started to more easily recognize the triggers of my childhood limiting beliefs that were dictating my actions - but I didn't know how to deprogram these patterns and change my behavior. I wanted to hand over the reins to my highest self, but I wasn't sure how to. So I began to look to others for inspiration. Who had qualities I admired? Who acted in the way I wanted to? Who could show my brain what was possible? Who was the person (or mix of people) who could help me navigate how to act until I was able to easily trust my own inner authority without hesitation?
Then one day I was asked to visualize my highest self. I closed my eyes and something clicked and Queen Ri appeared. Yep, as in Under my Umbrella, Fenty-owning, baddest bitch Rihana. I began to laugh, could this be right? I guess some part of me was expecting some Dalai Lama like descendant. And while Rihana maybe isn't my exact highest self, she is most definitely my highest self hero, someone who in my mind personified the traits I needed to strengthen and who could help me navigate my steps forward until I could easily call on and trust my own inner authority or Highest self without hesitation. I wanted to show up in the world with her confidence and IDGAF attitude. I wanted to believe fully in my authentic self and clap back and anyone who disagreed. I wanted to continue to show the world how expansive I was and couldn't be labeled as just one thing. I was ready to use my version of her as my compass until my relationship with my highest self was fully developed.
A few days later I opened an email that asked me to present my first corporate coaching workshop, and as I went to reply, the initial thoughts that flooded in were “ahhh am I ready? Am I good enough? Will people like it?” BUT, I caught myself. I noticed the old patterns of thinking the limiting beliefs that disguise themselves as safety nets and paused and asked myself: “W.W.R.D? (What Would Rihana Do) and typed in all caps FUCK -( the fuck part was just in my head) YES!
Acting from your highest-self-perspective is like a muscle that takes time to build up, so while you’re still getting strong ask yourself: what would your highest self hero do?
Discover your Highest Self with my worksheet here. Reach out to me for a complimentary check-in or for you or your business and look out for new workshops about how you can become More Human, More Often in March
With ease + alignment,
Alexandra
Coaching by AW
